simplify

I’ve listened to all of Tristan Prettyman’s songs way to much. I think i broke a record as well. it seems to be all i want to listen to these days. 

Topaz was so fun and such a blessing. I went up there with an open mind and no expectations and i came home with a filled heart, wisdom, and a narly curling iron burn. I got so used to have no internet the past week that tonight when i got on it i became so antsy. I was like stressing out. So many things to do. I wish i could just delete everything except this blog. I can’t though because of my music. Myspace is such a good way to network your music. 

Speaking of music, i wrote some songs up in Topaz. I feel like my music style is drifting from what it used to be. It’s not so Taylor Swift-ish anymore. It’s got a more “coffee house” feel to it as i would say. 

I’ve become so content and so peaceful through the last week. All i did was read through quote books, play in the snow, make music, talk to family, and watch mooovies. it was such a nice break and definitly needed.

I really don’t need anything accept God and his love. And in the categories of his love come people and music. I’m so done with fake relationships. i want real friendships with real talks. And i want to make music. Whatever i do, i never want to leave that. I don’t even think i could if i tried. 

The phone is getting turned off, life is gonna get simpler, and im gonna live loved.

Your Loves In Me

sometimes i like to just get away

away from this worldy town

jump into something a little more real

leave all my loved ones behind

 

 

my friends say im crazy

i dont know what gets into me

i guess its part of my personality

we’ll see or maybe we’ll never see

 

all that i want is your love with me

all that i see is you next to me

all that i care is that im living right

right by your side, your loves in me

 

i cant type for my life

im difficult, clumsy at sight

but all that i live for

is the love you breathe

all your creation next to me

so lets live my life, how you wanted it to be

 

you gave me so many blessings

the bestest friends there ever could be

alec  and kenzie

you love them

just as much as you love me

 

all that i want is your love with me

all that i see is you next to me

all that i care is that im living right

right by your side, your loves in me

 

 

 

7

Christmas and moosic and life

Happy Birthday Jesus My Christmas was simpler this year, and i loved it. It wasn’t one of those Christmas’s you see in the movies where the whole family gets together and suddenly any complication goes away and everything is perfect. It wasn’t one of those Christmas’s where it snows and you drink hot chocolate and open up a room full of presents. It was simple. I’m learning to just go… and see where it takes me. I’m learning to live with no expectations and just to take things and be content with things the way they are. My time here is so short so i’m not going to worry. 

If the only thing i ever had to listen to in this world was Jack Johnson, i’d be perfectly content. His music  makes me so happy. He inspires me so much and makes me want my guitar at this moment. (It’s at my moms) 

I’m going to Lake Topaz on monday. I’m flying there by myself. It’s gonna be an adventure and i know i’m going to learn alot. There is nothing up there. Nothing. Just a beautiful lake, an old house, and a wonderful family. I am so stoked. As much as i wish i wasn’t, i am materialistic, easily bored, and selfish. Ew. I don’t even want to think about my flaws because they disgust me. I guess thats a good thing though, at least i’m aware. I know Jesus is working on me and I know i am getting better. I just need to look forward to the future with Him and hope that i learn a whole lot in this life. I’m so impatient and i want to know everything now. I can’t though. Wisdom comes from God and experiences and that doesn’t just come from the snap of my fingers. I guess thats just part of life. It will come when it is meant too. 

I hope everyone has a safe Christmas and New Years and remember what’s really important on this meaningless earth.

 

xxxxxxx

Alone.

It’s so funny how one thing can change everything. Sticking up for your beliefs and thoughts can change what people think of you. I mean i guess this could be a good thing, you don’t need people that aren’t going to accept you for who you are. People change. Thats just it. 

God is my best friend, along with my guitar; along with a few people who have been there all along. The rest will have to be put on hold. I need a breather. I need to get back. The people who are really there will love me when i come back. There’s alot of things i need to do anyways. Alot of Lauren time to catch up on.

so adios amigo, this break is for me, not for partying.

Christmas should be something more.

Oh goodness. Thank you Jesus for cold rainy days, a heater, and tea. God really shows His beauty from rain. It’s so peaceful and beautiful and just there. Kinda how we should be. Today in art i was talking to my good friend Kelsey about Christmas and how our society makes it into something its really not supposed to be. I was saying how at this age, i think we should not be getting gifts and do more purposeful things with our money. I said though, that when i had kids i would still want them to believe in Santa Claus and to “live their childhood how its meant to be”. I was completely wrong. Kelsey said that she wanted to teach her kids from day one that this world is not about them and that Christmas is about kindness and service to others. At first i didn’t agree with this, but now i realize that she is so completely right. When i said that i wanted my children to “live their childhood how it was meant to be” i was completely thinking in a worldly perspective. I don’t think Jesus’ Christmas were full of Tonka Toys and new ipods. Then i was thinking: my theory is not correct. How could i raise my children on Santa Claus and presents and then at a certain age just turn all that off and have them start serving Christmas day? It doesn’t make sense and it isn’t right. We need to raise our kids how we want them to be. We need to teach them from an early age that this life is meaningless and that they need to think of things ABOVE. Not like i’m going to be having kids anytime soon, its just something to think about. 

Now, i’m going to enjoy my tea, the rain, and Elf and wait for my mom to get home. Once she does though, it will not be good. I don’t look forward to the lecture about piercings. 

MerryyyyyChriisstmmmaass:D

Live Loved

I love Jesus. So so so much. ah i don’t even know what to say other than He is the love of my life and my only purpose. He loves me, He loves YOU. so why do you say no one loves you? he loves you and would do ANYTHING for you. sounds like Mr. perfect eh? well HE IS.

I am Captivating?

I’m reading this book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge and in the first 20 pages is has taught my so much. God wants a relationship with me. yadda yadda yadda you hear that all the time. I don’t think we fully grasp it though. To grasp what it means, i put an old relationship in the picture. you want them to talk to you, to spend time with you. i imagined what the relationship would be like if we never hung out or talked. we wouldn’t have a relationship. There is no point to the relationship. Same with God. God wants us to hangout with him. He wants us to talk to him and read His words for us. When i put it this way it helped me understand ti so much better. God yearns for a relationship with us…

Think about the best present someone could ever give you. Now think of what God gave you. He gave us the WORLD. He gave us the mountains, the beach, the sunset, the forests, companions, and love. He could of just put us in a world that was dry, bland, and boring. He gave us the most beautiful world we could even imagine though. everything beautiful you can think of, we already have. How amazing is that?! I’m trying to look at the world, my life, and God in a different way. I want to love him in the best possible way a human can. I want to go on an amazing adventure with him. I want him to show me things i never even knew was possible. and i CAN get that. if i just get my butt of this computer and start hanging out with the love of my life… Jesus Christ <3

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so if everything is bad and you’ve got nothing left. you do. you might as well be happy. when all this worldly crap fails you, you feel hopeless. i sure do. i’m focussing on the wrong things. sometimes crawling into a little ball and crying and do nothing sounds like a great idea. it sure does to me. sometimes i dont want to try anymore. whats the point? im depending on this earth. ew. that disgusts me. my heart is searching, trying to find the right road; but my head is lost in this world. im searching for something that im not finding. maybe it doesnt even exsist. give up lauren. stupid stupid girl.

distancing?

I really want to learn to just relax and take things slow. I seem to be so focussed on making sure everything is right for the future that im ruining the present. i want this relationship to work. I think it could, i think it should. I just have to stop over analyzing and for me, that seems impossible. I think i’m so set on “perfect” that i’m trying to hard. Or, maybe im to connected. Maybe i need some more Lauren time. You see, contentment is such a funny thing. It seem like you have to just do this, or see that to be content. But really, being content is about just being happy with where you are at this moment, the good and the bad. it waaay easier said than done, but i know i will learn it. I’m just gonna listen to Kelsey’s amazing advice: dont think about it.

God, im so sorry im human and stupid. im discontent and frusterated. I know you will work it out. I know that there is gonna be so much more that happens in my life other than this. Im sorry. I love you.

I Am Thankful :)

So, today is Thanksgiving. At dinner, we went around and everyone had to say things that they were thankful for. I started thinking about all the things that I was thankful for:

- I am thankful for my life. Today my grandma took me shopping for christmas because she will be out of town for it and i felt soooo bad buying things for myself. I have waay more than enough things for myself everything i get is just excess and i feel like it is unnecessary. There is sooo many people that dont even have shoes, food to eat, clothes for special occasion, candy, a toothbrush. and i’m wanting every kind of christmas socks Walmart has? what a waste. 

- I am Thankful for the people in my life. God is just so cool. He has given me everyone i have ever asked for. i have an amazing family and amazing friends. I dont know what else to say to this other than i am sooo thankful.

- I am thankful for my opportunites. I can’t even believe that people are asking me to play actual shoooows. People are actually coming to watch me. thats like the coolest thing in the world and i am so thankful for those opportunities. 

I’m thankful for God, for music, and for YOU.